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18 June 2006 @ 02:11 am
So Very Very Wrong Fanfic!  
I can't believe I'm even going to post this but a friend and I (namely HYPERCAZ) found this site that makes up fics when you enter parameters. http://www.prillalar.com/drabbles/

The results are SO FRAKKING OFF THE PLANET READ AT YOUR OWN COST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

right; here is a selection :D

all of these are rated MA

Title: The Battle For the File
by: ellymelly
Pairing: Laura/Bill
Summary: A rock, a mouse and a horny Bill

On a rock, Laura stroked her file. She had been busy with the file for hours and now wanted nothing more than a firey cuddle or a rough massage from her lover Bill.

She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her horny Bill appeared at the door, grinning suggestivly.

"Put down the file," Bill said menancingly. "Unless you want me to stroke that file on your hair."

Laura put down the file. She was shiny. She had never seen Bill so hot before and it made her rueful.

Bill picked up the file, then withdrew a pencil from his lips. "Don't be so shiny," Bill said with a hot grimace. "A mouse bit my knee this morning, and everything became raggard. Now with this file and this pencil I can menancingly rule the world!"

Laura clutched her auburn knee hungrily. This was her lover, her horny Bill, now staring at her with a hot lips.

"Fight it!" Laura shouted. "The mouse just wants the file for his own horny devices! He doesn't love you, not the firey way I do!"

Laura could see Bill trembling hungrily. Laura reached out her hair and touched Bill's lips menancingly. She was horny, so horny, but she knew only her auburn love for Bill would break the mouse's spell.

Sure enough, Bill dropped the file with a thunk. "Oh, Laura," he squealed. "I'm so firey, can you ever forgive me?"

But Laura had already moved on a rock. Like the twilight before the early dawn., she pressed her hair into Bill's lips. And as they fell together in a raggard fit of love, the file lay on the floor, rueful and forgotten.

Title: Rough Love
by: ellymelly
Pairing: Laura/Bill
Summary: Hard Wood

Laura finished packing. Ever since Husky, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Laura had been hard.

There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing bit her, all was smouldering. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going on a desk to become an awkward dictionary.

Just then, there was a translucent knock at the door. Laura opened it and stood there mesmerisingly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her heel.

When Laura came to, Husky was holding her eyelash and looking long. "My love," Husky said hopefully, "I'm sorry for the vibrating shock. I've been shipwrecked on a heated island for the last ten years, living like sex on hard wood. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my chin in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Laura could hardly believe her Husky had returned. "I will always love you, chin or no chin. Besides, you can cover it up with a palm card."

They embraced seemily and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was stiff.

Title: The Battle for the PDA
by: ellymelly
Pairing: Mcweir/shweir/Mckay/Pda
Summary: Compramising situation with a PDA

On the conference desk, Rodney licked his PDA. He had been busy with the PDA for hours and now wanted nothing more than a hot cuddle or an engorged massage from his lover Elizabeth.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his burning Elizabeth appeared at the door, grinning brightly.

"Put down the PDA," Elizabeth said slyly. "Unless you want me to lick that PDA on your index finger."

Rodney put down the PDA. He was fluffly. He had never seen Elizabeth so sultry before and it made him slippery.

Elizabeth picked up the PDA, then withdrew a coffee from her tummy. "Don't be so fluffly," Elizabeth said with a sultry grimace. "A Sheppard bit my thigh this morning, and everything became glowing. Now with this PDA and this coffee I can slyly rule the world!"

Rodney clutched his passionate thigh darkly. This was his lover, his burning Elizabeth, now staring at him with a sultry tummy.

"Fight it!" Rodney shouted. "The Sheppard just wants the PDA for his own burning devices! He doesn't love you, not the hot way I do!"

Rodney could see Elizabeth trembling darkly. Rodney reached out his index finger and touched Elizabeth's tummy slyly. He was burning, so burning, but he knew only his passionate love for Elizabeth would break the Sheppard's spell.

Sure enough, Elizabeth dropped the PDA with a thunk. "Oh, Rodney," she squealed. "I'm so hot, can you ever forgive me?"

But Rodney had already moved on the conference desk. Like a japanse tourist, he pressed his index finger into Elizabeth's tummy. And as they fell together in a glowing fit of love, the PDA lay on the floor, slippery and forgotten.


Dominatingly Tripping


Elizabeth tripped along brightly. She was on her way to meet her lover, Rodney, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a Sheppard hopping along, carrying a coffee in its mouth.


Elizabeth was almost in the conference room on the conference desk when she came across a hot cake, lying alone on a horny plate. "That must be a treat from my sultry bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked passionate, so she ate it.


It gave her the most glowing tingling sensation in her thigh. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Rodney.


When Rodney came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.


"What is it?" Elizabeth cried teasingly.


"Your index finger! And your tummy!" Rodney said. "They're burning! Can't you feel it?"


Elizabeth felt her index finger and her tummy. They were indeed quite burning. "Oh, no!" Elizabeth said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that hot cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"


"I didn't leave you any cake," Rodney said. "I got you a pillow. It must have been that engorged man who lives nearby. He acts a little darkly, ever since he licked a PDA."


"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Elizabeth sobbed.


"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Rodney said slyly, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your index finger is really fluffy like that."


"Really?" Elizabeth dried his tears. Elizabeth kissed Rodney and it was an entirely slippery sensation, like a Japanese tourist.


They spent the night having entirely slippery sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.


Everything was rather awkward after that.

hypercazhypercaz on June 17th, 2006 08:15 pm (UTC)
ellymelly: facepalmellymelly on June 17th, 2006 08:17 pm (UTC)

behold the disturbing fic machine!