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05 June 2006 @ 11:57 pm
Be Prepared part 7  
Title: Be Prepared
By: ellymelly
Stargate/Atlantis crossover
Genre: Comedy/Action
Summary: What happens when you give a human a time machine? ah, 'bad things' if you're mckay... lmao!


•   Dr. Rodney Mckay
•   Major John Sheppard
•   Dr. Zelenka
•   Lieutenant Ford
•   Teyla
•   Dr. Daniel Jackson
•   Colonel Samantha Carter
•   Ancient sound system

[ sometimes you just wished you’d strapped Ford to side of a Wraith dart… ]

-   It was just a bad day – a bad, bad, bad day. Well, that’s what Major Sheppard kept telling himself.
-   Taking into consideration the events that had transpired you’d think that nothing much was about to surprise the people who had just unwisely touched the glowing centre of an unknown device – but they were wrong again. For example, it hadn’t occurred to their collective genius that the device probably hadn’t been used within the last couple of million years – or that its warranty had exceeded – or that it even carried one. If they had bothered to look they would have seen some very important advice etched into the rock at the side explicitly informing any juveniles of the following:


stolen from Noxiard Laboratires East Western Arm 873754 if found please return.
WARNING: This device is only good for 10 000 years or 2 600 000 beams, after which period no responsibility will be taken for injury, accidental location confusion or mind swapping.

-   This, of course, would have explained why the group – instead of gliding nicely into position, were thrown roughly to their destination falling several meters to the floor.

JOHN: “Ow.”
MCKAY: “Lots of ow…”   Angry
ZELENKA: (a good string of dialogue – all in Czech and more than likely susceptible to heavy censorship.)

-   Daniel’s out cold on the floor, Carter rolls over and tries to waken him – gently at first but after several seconds of trying her patience departs and she slaps him clean across the face – hard.

DANIEL: (still out of it) “Oma…?”   Huh
CARTER: “Wake up!”   Angry
MCKAY: “Who’s Omarr?”
ZELENKA: (correcting him) “Oma.”
CARTER: “Ascended Ancient who insists on ascending him.”
JOHN: “Some serious alliteration in that sentence.”  *raises eyebrow suggestively*
MCKAY: “You’re not so shocking at it sir.”
CARTER: “Someone pass me that piece of broken pipe.”
TEYLA: “For what purpose?”   Huh
JOHN: (to Mckay) “You called me ‘sir’!”  Shocked
MCKAY: “Only to prove a point.”
CARTER: “So I can end their collective existence.”  Grin
DANIEL: (still clearly somewhere else) “You want me to wha-”
CARTER: (hitting him) “DANIEL!”
DANIEL: “Sam?”
BECKETT: “Oh, that’s grea’ tha’ is.”
MCKAY: “What?”
BECKETT: (he motions to the room)

-   A scene opens up in front of them. They are in the centre of what is likely to be an Ancient room. It is circular and mostly empty with doors behind them and a smallish control panel to one side. About a quarter of the wall however was missing and in place of the gentle grey stone was a waterfall rushing down, if one tilted their head slightly the purple tinge of the force field could be seen. It was an amazing sight. They felt like they were trapped in some hidden alcove, it was the most beautiful place they had seen and a distinct improvement on their last room.

JOHN: “Wow, this is cool…”  Cheesy
MCKAY: “Hey, where is he?”
JOHN: “Who?”
TEYLA: “Ford…”
JOH: “Oh.”
ZELENKA: “He should be here… we didn’t touch anything since –”

-   Ford comes bounding across the room from behind the consol.

FORD: “Hey guys! You won’t believe this place.”
BECKETT: (trying one of the doors) “How com’ we can’ get out?”
FORD: (cheerfully) “The doors are locked.”  Smiley
MCKAY: (a little more than concerned) “Right…”  Undecided
JOHN: “Makes sense.”

-   Mckay ducks down next to one of the many circuits and starts fiddling with the door.

MCKAY: (fiddling) “How so?”
JOHN: “Well, you don’t leave you’re doors unlocked with evil, life sucking aliens around every star.”

-   Mckay faltered at the mention of impending doom and slipped a little at the circuit which immediately began advising him.

: “We advise that the door you are touching is currently locked.”
MCKAY: “Thank you, I noticed – wait, did that door just talk to me???”  Shocked
FORD: “Don’t worry, everything seems to talk to you – watch.”

-   He touches the consol.

ALL: “FOR THE LOVE OF P-”  Shocked Shocked Shocked

 “Please step away from the consol.”
ALL: (collective sigh)
ZELENKA: (under his breath) “It’s smart too…”
JOHN: “What was that?”   Huh
ZELENKA: “It’s a fully voice automated system.”   Cool
DANIEL: “That’s not what you said…”
CARTER: “Daniel – ”
DANIEL: “Yes Sam.”
CARTER: “Shu-”
JOHN: (in an attempt to avoid full scale war) “Ah, can I talk to you for a second.”
CARTER: “Everything that dates me dies.”   Angry
JOHN: (completely confuzzled) “Was it something I said?”  *zipped smiley*


: “We advise that the door you are trying to open is currently locked.”
MCKAY: “Thank you, I got it the first time.”
JOHN: “Hey, where’s Ford?”
DANIEL: “You lost him again?”
CARTER: “He’s with Teyla.”
JOHN: (suspiciously) “Doing what?”
CARTER: (sigh) “Trying to get through the waterfall.”
MCKAY: “You’re kidding right?”  Grin
MCKAY: “It’s protected by a force field.”   Huh
CARTER: “Yeah.”
JOHN: “And…”
CARTER: “He thinks that if he hits it hard enough he’ll get through”
DANIEL: “I wonder where he would have gotten that idea…”  Roll Eyes
CAETER: “ – my fault.”
ZELENKA: “How so?”
DANIEL: “Long story…”
JOHN: “Fall through to where?! It’s what, four km’s down!”
MCKAY: “Doesn’t matter. There’s a force shield…”
JOHN: (looks at Mckay)
MCKAY: (shrugs)
JOHN: (looks back at Carter)
CARTER: (turns to watch the hysterical sight of Ford throwing himself at a force field)

-   Everyone starts watching as Ford takes a huge run up to the shield which flickers purple every now and then.

FORD: (on approach) “All I have to do is run fast enough and I will be out of phase with the s-”


-   Everyone cringed as Ford hit the shield and slid down it to the floor like a bug on a windshield...

FORD: “Ow…” (he slides down to the floor and loses consciousness)
MCKAY: “Yes, well, the laws of physics aren’t multiple choice…”  Smiley


-   Ford’s crumpled body is beamed out of the room to everyone's suprise.

: “We advise that the malfunctioning carbon unit has been moved to area 6.9*0.”

JOHN: “Oh no.”  Shocked
DANIEL: “That means we have to find him doesn’t it.”
JOHN: (pause)
DANIEL: “Maybe n-”
JOHN: “Yes it does.”   Angry
MCKAY: (muttering) “Sometimes you just wished you’d strapped Ford to the side of a Wraith dart…”


-   After the disappearance of Ford the team set their minds back to trying to get out of the room. Mckay was sure he was close but kept getting distracted by the Colonel sitting really close to him. He wished she didn’t wear that perfume – better stop thoughts like that or he might end up like Narim. Was that vanilla?   Huh
-   Leave it to the Alien circuit to break the romance…

: “We advise –”
JOHN: “Can you open it?”
MCKAY: “Of course I can open it, just, not yet.”
CARTER: (crouching next to Mckay) “Maybe I can help.”
MCKAY: “It’s doubtful.”
: “We advise –”


DANIEL: “Has anyone even considered why this whole city would be totally abandoned when it hasn’t even been touched?”
JOHN: “No. Why?”
DANIEL: “Don’t you think it’s a little unusual?”
BECKETT: “You mean, more unusual then the events of the past twelve hours.”   Huh
DANIEL: “I’m not sure unusual is a relative topic…”  Sad
JOHN: “Was there a point Dr.?”
DANIEL: “I just thought it was worth considering…”

: “We advise –”
CARTER: “Is there any way to shut that d*** thing off?”
MCKAY: “Not unless we-”
: “We advise –”

-   The circuit board around the door let out a few crackles as Mckay punched a few numbers into the panel then fell silent.

MCKAY: “Advise that!”  Grin
CARTER: “How did you do that?”   Huh
MCKAY: “It was a particularly nasty breed of algebra.”

-   Pause. Mckay prayed that Ford had edited that message.

CARTER: “I thought you liked algebra.”  *raises eyebrow suggestively*
MCKAY:  Shocked

-   Really long pause as Mckay contemplated the many manners in which Ford was going to die – that is, if he was still alive.

hypercazhypercaz on June 5th, 2006 07:12 pm (UTC)

"ZELENKA: (correcting him) “Oma.”" < hey I want more zoma!! =D

teehee. poor Ford *shakes head and sniggers*