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05 June 2006 @ 11:52 pm
Be Prepared part 5  
Title: Be Prepared
By: ellymelly
Stargate/Atlantis crossover
Genre: Comedy/Action
Summary: What happens when you give a human a time machine? ah, 'bad things' if you're mckay... lmao!

Tick Tock… 

•   Dr. Elizabeth Weir
•   Dr. Rodney Mckay
•   Major John Sheppard
•   Dr. Zelenka
•   Lieutenant Ford
•   Teyla
•   Dr. Daniel Jackson
•   Colonel Samantha Carter
•   Thor

[ Somehow ‘Whoops’ just doesn’t cut it. ]

THOR: “You have activated the ship’s self destruct.”
MCKAY: “Thank you, I am acutely aware of that.”
JOHN: “Ford, what did you do?!”
TEYLA: “Ford was just – ”

-   *BEAM* Thor disappears.

DANIEL: “Hey, where’d he go?”   Huh

-   *BEAM* Thor reappears looking a slightly darker shade of grey.
-   Everyone stares at him in a shocked silence.

THOR: “Apologies, my digit lacked sufficient traction with the beam mechanism.”   Embarrassed
MCKAY: (off hand) “His finger slipped.”
DANIEL: (staring at Thor) “Right. So… any ideas, suggestions?”
MCKAY: (deadpan) “Living would be good but I’m not married to it.”
BECKETT: “Snappy…”
MCKAY: “Oh, I’m sorry, did I forget to mention the fact that we’re sc – ”
ZELENKA: “Settle.”
ELIZABETH: (calmly) “There’s still time, no reason to panic.”   Smiley

-   John turned around and raised his eyebrow at her as was the tradition in Pegasus.

JOHN: “For some.”
THOR: “Could you not attempt to shut it down?”
DANIEL: “Ah… we could get Ford to press more buttons.”
TEYLA: “I would not advise it.”
MCKAY: “I’m inclined to agree.”

-   (brightly) “Self destruct in eight minutes”

ELIZABETH: “What about that time machine?”  *raises eyebrow suggestively*
DANIEL/CARTER: “No!”   Angry Angry
MCKAY: “Not all of us can beam…”   Huh

-   Elizabeth raised her nose a little and pretended the wall was interesting.

THOR: “Dr. Jackson, is there any instructions on the screen?”
DANIEL: (squinting) “No…”
THOR: “Emergency transport?”
DANIEL: “Escape pods? No…”
THOR: “How about mentions of a shield?”
DANIEL: (raising his eyebrows.)    Huh “No.”
THOR: “Hershey bars?”  *raises eyebrow suggestively*
DANIEL: (ignoring his O’Neilism) “Is it just me or am I doing all the talking?”
MCKAY: (dryly) “Tick tock – tick tock…”   Angry

-   At this moment it was Zelenka that noticed a rectangular looking control panel on the wall next to him. It had eight buttons glowing temptingly.

ZELENKA: “I think I have something.”

-   Daniel and Sam immediately recognize the RING control panel.
-   The whole group gathers in close to inspect the curious device on the wall.
-   Zelenka proudly pushes the nearest button.

DANIEL: (hesitantly) “Ah, I wouldn’t –

-   *RING*
-   The ceiling above them opens up and six rings fall around the group. They all disappear in a wave of light.
-   Moments later they rematerialize in darkness…

DANIEL: “Nevermind.”
BECKETT: “Wha’ just ‘appened?”
MCKAY: “I think I’m a dead man.”
JOHN: “Relax Rodney.”
CARTER: (allknowingly) “Rings…”

-   Sometimes she forgot just how little knowledge of the universe these people had. Daniel filled in the gaping holes.

DANIEL: “You know - things that ring you places…”
ZELENKA: “Little dark here.”
JOHN: “I’m thinking.”

-   There’s a decent pause. Mckay and Beckett start thinking too but it remains pitch black.

MCKAY: “Ok, scrap lights.”
CARTER: “How about you ring us back?”
ZELENKA: “How do I –”
CARTER: “Just press what you pressed before.”
DANIEL: “I advise keeping all of your artifacts inside this area.”
MCKAY: “Or what?”
DANIEL: “Bad things.”  Undecided

-   *RING*


-   Back on the ship, holographic Thor and Elizabeth are wondering what happened.

ELIZABETH: “Where’d everybody go?”
THOR: “I am unsure.”

-   “Self destruct in four minutes.”

ELIZABETH: “Too bad, it was a nice ship.”
THOR: (Thor says nothing, not wanting to offend his brand new- but sadly inferior ship.)


-   The rings dump their unwitting passengers in a softly lit, sealed grey room with a glowing head sucking thing on the wall. It makes the pre-grab noise.
-   Daniel, who’s closest to it, yelps and retreats a few feet.”

MCKAY: “This – this isn’t quite right.”
JOHN: “This I noticed.”
CARTER: “Wrong button!”

ZELENKA: “Oh sorry.” (He presses another one.)

-   *RING*


ELIZABETH: “So, have you always preferred the yellow ones?”
THOR: “Would you like to try one? I can have some synthesized.”  *raises eyebrow suggestively*
ELIZABETH: “Why not.”

-   “Two minutes to self destruct. Ascension Airways would like to advise that all life signs evacuate the ship to avoid explosive decompression. Have a nice beam.”  Grin


-   They ring in somewhere else. This time it’s a stunning room with a natural waterfall as a window.

FORD: “This isn’t right either.”
BECKETT: “I don’ like this ‘guess an’ check’ approach.”

-   Beckett mentally hit himself. Daniel raised his eyebrows again – no one else got it…

ZELENKA: “There are only three more buttons left. Should I just keep trying?”
MCKAY: “Ya sure youbetcha…”

-   Carter’s mouth fell open as the rings fell once again.   Huh
-   *RING*


THOR: “When I was a few feet shorter in a galaxy far, far away, we had this drink made from the black nuts of Mecca. It was most popular but after many decades of no sleep it was forbidden for causing – ‘academic dependency…’ I would most like to try it again.”
ELIZABETH: “I know what you mean. We lost ours yesterday.”
THOR: “My condolences.”

-   “One minute to self destruct. We regret that no refund will be available. Please see section 943 283*// - Acts of very youngness.”

THOR: “We have a whole extra minute left.”
ELIZABETH: (grinning) “A whole extra one.”  Grin

-   *RING*
-   They materialize in the ship with a communal sigh.

ZELENKA: (beaming) “There we go.”  Smiley
JOHN: “Now we’re getting somewhere.”
ELIZABETH: “There you are!”
MCKAY: (smitten) “There we a-”  Smiley

-   *RING*
-   … and they were gone again.

ELIZABETH: (raising her eyebrow) “Hmm…” (to Thor) “What was I saying?”

-   In a dark room.

MCKAY: “-re.”    Angry
ZELENKA: “Sorry.”
CARTER: “Ring us back, ring us back!”

-   *RING*


-   They materialize in the ship.
-   “Four seconds to self destruct. If you’re still here you should consider our new offer on Ascension.”

ALL – bar ELIZABETH and THOR: “Ah!”

-   *RING*

ELIZABETH: “They always this indecisive?”
THOR: “It is most common.”

-   “One second to self destr – ”
-   *DE’LUISE STYLE BANG* as the huge, overwhelmingly cool ship explodes.


-   According to the laws of reason; if there are eight buttons, two of which with dark rooms and another regrettably destroyed, there should still be a good chance of scoring one of the cool rooms. The law of Averages chose to ignore this and dumped them in the darkest, coldest room it could find.

JOHN: “Did we just?”  :?
MCKAY: “Yes.”   Angry
JOHN: “And is that ship…”  :?
MCKAY: “Yes.”   Angry
JOHN: “So basically we’re…”   Huh
MCKAY: “Yes.”   Angry
FORD: “And I didn’t even get to name it.”
MCKAY: (sharply) “Don’t even get me started on you.”
JOHN: “Oh, and what would you have called it Gateship boy?”
FORD: “Whoops.”
BECKETT: “Somehow ‘ Whoops’ just doesn’t cut it.”

-   They all go into a shocked silence staring into the darkness.

DANIEL: (brightly) “So, any ideas as to where we are?”
ZELENKA: “You’re very, ‘up’.”

-   Daniel’s permanently raised eyebrow fell.
-   After several seconds like this a suspicious sc**ping noise comes from deep within the corridor.
-   The group freezes.

BECKETT: “Wha’ was that?”  Shocked
hypercazhypercaz on June 5th, 2006 07:06 pm (UTC)
"sc**ping" < might want to put that back to scraping

teehee. there's not enough Beckett in this =P =D

amusing and good =D